Driving around. Lost in my head. Recklessly tired. Thoughts pry my eyes wide staring dryly in this mid day sun. I think too much, quietly, of things I will never say aloud. I think about you. I wanted to drive on but this town is too small and there is no escaping it. not yet anyways. so the road always leads to the same place. These thoughts, never spoken. swallowed. If ever, as years pass, I learn to hate you, know that I will still always compare them to you.
Romance in clenched teeth Tears fall a crimson red From a heart broken And her turned back… The warmth of her body Comforting and nurturing As a womb. I love you… And she walks away...
Keeping myself alive Barely maintaining Thinking hard to not think about you Failing Falling Remembering Remembering how I had love you How could I love you? Take these stones down from this wall I’ve built around me To watch you throw those stones at me. To crush me To devastate me To destroy me To leave me to die… I lie awake, staring at my ceiling Thinking hard to not think about you Failing Falling Remembering Remembering how I loved you Yea, this is going to be another long sleepless night…
The days crawl by so slowly As I wonder, how did they escape so quickly They pass with such a blur, But the second hand has yet to move… They are filled with memories of regret and remorse And the longing for the touch of her hand, Allowed only the passing scent of her In that same wind that takes another day Away from me…
Empty eyes stare Disgusted Over your shoulder… Back turned to me. Something so pure So destructive… Naked There For me To never touch Not then Not again Nevermore… A desire burns… The touch of your hand, Never again… Love is replaced by fear… Fear that it will happen again… Fear that it will never happen again… Your picture on my nightstand And the memories Of never again…
Sitting in the corner of my room Lit only by the glow of a candle Fighting back my hate and anger This loneliness has become too much to handle I always seem to hide away And revel in my misery When I stare off into empty spaces You are all I see… To this day, I hold tightly The memories of you and I Because the day you walked away I fell into the shadows Covering up with lies… How I wish I could turn my back on myself And just walk away But that could never happen Because your memory is always in my way… At times, I want to close my eyes But all I see is you And losing you was the greatest of all my fears If I were to open my eyes, I could not see through the tears… I know I have fallen prey to my own weakness But hopes and dreams have torn me down Giving life to misery, torment, and hate… Candle lit ceremonies of self-alienation Has been my only salvation… And through all of this, Still all I see is You…
The arrogant cries of shadows The winds chill Bringing loneliness and depression… Comfort is sought but seldom found… Tears fill you full of emptiness And leaves you for dead… Until death has found you.
Left alone to get inside my head And in the darkness I lost myself… Now I’m trying to find out what went wrong… With each breath, feels like my last As I feel myself grow older… I’m trying to find out what went wrong… The fires of self-hatred builds And I begin to destroy myself… And I’m still trying to find out what went wrong…
A night of Boozin’ and Prankin’ Dancin’ and Crankin’ A wallflower decides to bloom and flow in the wind. A night of excess, she loses her mind, then her dress. As the party winds down, so does she… Off into the dark with the “popular” guy (And a couple of his friends…) See, no one really knew her (And no one really cared) When she fell from grace She was just another stain On someone else’s bed… Disheveled and sticky, back to the wall she fell… She was just another victim On the fuck ‘em and forget ‘em Firing line…
The tears I cry are just a release, Just as the self-rejection and self-mutilation… My smile is a curtain To cover the hate, rage, and depression I force myself to live with everyday… I cannot let hopes and dreams rule my life, But I’m letting reality take my life away… I couldn’t tell you which is better, I sometimes wonder which would be worse… I guess I’ll never know… Oh well, on with tomorrow… They have said tomorrow is another day… But people have been known to be wrong before…
Empty are the years as they pass me by… The words Good-bye are now so common, But the feeling just as intense… Still foul, the taste of those words… Still as haunting, The memories remaining As you walked away And I said Good-bye…
As she speaks… I have only silence to offer in return… So I watch in curiosity From a distance and hide… In my prison cell of cowardice, I do not step from my shadows, That hides a sheep in wolf’s clothing…
Empty bottles Disoriented Constant cigarette Masturbation Inside looking out At life’s little lie Alienated Alone I’ll die Broken dreams Or just nightmares I try too hard Not to care My fears and limitations Choices need Imagination From nothing Build it up to destroy Your thoughts, your mind My favorite toy Use filthy words To manipulate All words are filthy I destroy what you create One big circle Predictable Insane? No, just unstable Mirror image Believe in something You create You created nothing!!!
The night caresses you like an abusive lover After their destructive binge In cockroach laden alley ways Rivers of puke and urine flow Down the walls, in the gutters And over your friends… Days run together, But when they are over You just want to forget… You pour a bottle over your problems And wake up with one more regret… Tomorrow will mimic yesterday The outcomes are very well known… You’ll be bitter, angry, hungry and tired And above all, all alone… Masturbation to a JC Penny catalog Has been the closest thing to a date… You want a better life At the same time you realize, It’s a bit too late… Yes, I know these days all too well…
One cigarette turns to ash as another is lit… I lie here still and sullen, Alienating myself from the outside world… My thoughts condemning the thoughts that just passed… Hope is smashed by reality, And hate resurfaces to claim my emotions And to torch my dreams… I search myself for one last glimpse of light, Only to find the cold decaying remains Of that which once was the imagination Of a child…
I sit alone in thought, Surrounded by man’s perversions and filth, And passing mental visions of their hate… I stare blankly thinking of my past, And passing tomorrow off onto yesterday… I dare not venture out to meet people Or make friends… For I know they will soon become my enemies… I’ve spent most of my life trying to break free From this shell I’ve made for myself, Halted only by the knowledge That once out, I’ll stand back and stare at what I’ve left behind And fight for the rest of my life To get back in…
Darkness falls around my heart Gone is this light of life Hate now builds up inside of me The warm thoughts of a cold blade… Hatred comes to the boiling point, Flesh covered with cigarette burns Enjoying the release of agony By inflicting pain upon myself… I close my eyes as the pain intensifies From the slow burn of the cigarette Now on my arm It’s the slight torment To get me through life… As this poetry only reflects my thoughts, The pain deadens my emotions And forces me to cope with the reality That gets to be too unreal… Hate is all I can feel And violence is all I can see In a world so fucking wrapped up in it’s self That all who inhabit it Are abandoned And left for dead… My thoughts are broken From the silence around me Concentration is lost to ignorance and boredom… I leave nothing but blank pages To symbolize my love and my dreams… The anger I keep inside shows me true reality… Where pain becomes passion And love… Love has become lost and forgotten To me…
I walk through this life with emotions That I’m unable to cope with… I strive to be emotionless, Praying my heart turns to stone And becomes as cold as a razor’s edge… It’s easy to love, But so hard to scrape away its remains… For the loneliness and depression Inflicted by the death of love Brings an anguish and pain Equaled only by the never ending tortures Of a mythological Hell!
Seventh bell chimes… Thoughts of missed times Past crumbles to ashes Along with it’s dreams… One is reduced to Pathetic… Reliant on memories For a hint of a smile… (Often misread) Faces remembered by Glossy, impersonal immortality Left in small bundles and pillars Unbearable to crawl through… That hint of a smile And those thoughts of missed times Fade in tears And one is reduced to a Hollow cold…
Jealousy… It is my fear… Fear that you may see me Through my eyes… And do what I can’t… Do better than me…
Mind moving way to fast, One thought, another thought… Blank… Silence, emptiness… Trembling, pain, fear… Blank… One thought, another thought, Stupid thought after stupid fucking thought… You, me, without me… Blank… On you, over you, without you… Blank…
Puke puddles and blood stains Where my friends once stood Years ago and sometimes miles away My head still pounding From good times Unity faded to indifference A few hold onto the threads Of what use to be… Others have moved on… And some have fallen down… I couldn’t tell you where I stand Maybe somewhere in those tangled crossroads… Blurry visions and fading sounds Are all that are left Now shadows… Ghosts… Yesterday fell into uncertain tomorrows… And in looking back, The things that did not kill me I think I miss the most….
All my hate won't let me be See the pain inside my eyes I can't grasp my reality Love lays where horror lies The horror that lies beyond my door Is from love and not that of death Sanctuary, that is what death is for And death lies beyond each breath Trying to hide from the beast with in Running in circles, I try to escape my mind When Love becomes a personal sin Hate in anger is all I find See my heart tattered and torn See my love raped from me This is where my hate is born And it keeps me chained to my misery
To tell you how I feel… I wish I owned such strength… To formulate the words… These emotions…
Hours pass as I stare at the ceiling thinking of you… How long it will be before I see you again… Even if just a fleeting glance… I feel satisfied, For even but one split second I feel a joy I have not experienced in many years. The sound of your voice comforting and consoling… In the absence of your voice, your smile… You… I feel the emptiness, A void that for so long had been my friend… My muse… Now my enemy… And that void envelops me… Until I see you… Even if just a fleeting glance…
Have you ever felt that hollow feeling Hitting you deep in the center Of your chest… And that thick tight knot At the base of your throat… As you sit there lost in thought You come to a realization This is the best your gonna feel For a long time to come… You start to wonder… Does it go away? That is when you realize That it doesn’t… And it is at that exact moment A sudden thought of Her rips through your head… And that sinking hollow feeling Hits harder and deeper And that knot thickens, tightens, and strains And the sad part is You have yet to fathom That this is but only The beginning…
How is that this passion Eludes me? Silhouette beneath the candlelight A passion I’ve yet to know To know you Restrained and unyielding You sit there in your emotion One of which I’ve only experienced In what one would perceive As a dream Changed mind, influenced I watch In awe Silence is all I can offer I wish I had more An artifact from my childhood My youth, my innocence You hold as a safety blanket That keeps me from you And you from getting close To me…
I try to put back a wall around myself To hide all my fears and insecurities But every time I put one brick up It seems two from their place All is exposed… And I feel the emptiness overcoming me… All this anguish is taking its toll… And it is destroying me at a hellish pace… Every time I try to ask myself why… The emptiness and the lack of an answer torments me… Rage builds a stronger fire Fulled by my own weaknesses And enforced by a Hell that can only be mine Do you know what it is like to let yourself down? To beat yourself down? I mean really down? Well it Burns… And it builds a self-hatred… And once down… There isn’t a fucking chance Of getting back up…
I wish I could find the words And mix them in poetry and wit If I could find a sense of poignancy Instead of pages of meaningless shit I have lost myself in my mind for hours Trying to recall the colour of your eyes Wanting to forget what you said to me Hiding it behind miles of bullshit lies Spacing out windows on gray days Certain songs remind me of you Repeating like skipping records The thoughts are annoying to me too It was never fantastic And it was never fun It was a waste of time in my life I am glad that it is done I gave everything of myself When it was right of me to do You took it and kept it all Like everything was owed to you With the distance and the years I know we will never meet again We were only there to fuck But we were total shit as friends.
Pure shit passing by in their neon lit stupor. Hopped up on broken dreams and lustful wants of the whores and those who imitate them. Street vermin in over sized clothes, over sized macho attitudes and bad teeth hidden behind fake gold and even faker smiles. Niggers, Wiggers and trailer trash, side by side with the preppy college kids all out for the same thing, liquored up sex stains minus the vomit if can be avoided. Boys in blue with their cocks worn on their hips have no effect. Everyone is an asshole in front of... and behind the bars, at the front doors and spilling out on cigarette butt cemetery sidewalks. Be careful of the remnants of excessive beer and 2 too many shots, and he just may get in her pants, both hoping her boyfriend doesn't find out... These are the reasons people shouldn't breed. Every one of us... Are just more fucking reasons.
I am still in here. screaming. drowning. suffocating. Why can't I just let me be. why can't I be home.
2000 miles is a long way away. too far to travel. its always 2000 miles from where I am.
Cigarette, man I need this. I need many things. I need these thoughts and these hands to express them. I can't use my mouth. its too busy with this cigarette.
This glowing box is it. it is my all. it is all I am reduced to. a small photo. and some self-serving rant. to lie about myself to seem so cool. to be cooler than you... But we are a lot alike. we are all reduced to this glowing box.
Just flashing thoughts don't pay attention to them just emptying out my head you probably never paid much attention to that either
I wish I could take out my brain and put in in the box with the other shit I don't use It could sit there peacefully collecting dust but why its locked inside its cabinet it leaves me screaming
Through filth, disgust, and disease Passed on by Father to son Mother to daughter We have become slaves to nothing more than living Co-existing with nothing more Whores we’ve all become And nothing more we shall be…
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